I entered FOR NICK into a contest: the Writer's Digest Self-Published eBook Awards.
I didn't win.
But each contestant receives a brief judge's commentary and I thought I'd share mine with you.
There's some nice writing here, although you slip into telling the reader more than showing sometimes (e.g., Camille was a little minx, but she was one of Emily's dearest friends. It would be better to let the reader see this through Camille's actions; in fact, you do that to an extent by showing her flirting with Zach).
Dialogue is nicely written. The characters seem clearly defined by the way they speak.
The setup for the main story that Zach has to find someone to marry or he can't inherit the firm, so he hires someone to be his wife seems rather contrived, and the ending is a little obvious. Given the value of property, it's hard to see how his grandfather would find this an acceptable plan of action. At the same time, it's sufficiently farfetched that it makes an entertaining story, provided the reader doesn't take it too seriously.
You seem to hit the right cliches for a romance novel: the gorgeous, seemingly flawless male and the beautiful but vulnerable young woman. It might be interesting to actually try crafting the story against these stereotypes: make the man vulnerable and the woman dominant. But within the context of mainstream romance, what you've done works very well.
There is one comment I dislike greatly when I receive reviews and that is: the story is not BELIEVABLE.
Although I often deal with serious issues in my novels--and For Nick is certainly no exception--they are written to be entertaining, an escape from the world. They are meant to allow the reader to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride--a sometimes fascinating and crazy ride.
Hence, I love that the judge says: It's sufficiently farfetched that it makes an entertaining story, provided the reader doesn't take it too seriously.
Above all, my goal has always been to entertain the reader.
I realize that this type of novel does not appeal to everyone and that's okay!
As for me, I say believable is for real life. Unfortunately, real life is far too unbelievable sometimes.
That's why we need an ESCAPE!
What type of book do you LOVE?